i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
