He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
