I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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