Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize