i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
