I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
