The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i now understand why vodka
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
