For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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