Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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