its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
