could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
