I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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