drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
