So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
