what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
