Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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