dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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