Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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