he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
