fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
