She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
