You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
