overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
