My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
