cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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