ADVERTISEMENT

• (989): View more from Michigan

  I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt

  Fav 7 3325 1753

  share tweet
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

  Fav 24 1495 7570

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Fav 413 27020 4050

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

  Fav 36 6490 1725

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

  Fav 19 4612 2407

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Fav 20 1612 3728

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (719): View more from Colorado

  No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

  Fav 0 777 1018

  share tweet
  

• (231): View more from Michigan

  Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.

  Fav 4 1374 702

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  . Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.

  Fav 6 1614 778

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)

  Fav 3 1126 502

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

  Fav 2 1271 638

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.

  Fav 5 658 568

  share tweet
  

• (434): View more from Virginia

  I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising

  Fav 5 729 786

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge

  Fav 2 194 447

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".

  Fav 0 23 28

  share tweet
  

Randomize