i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
NoShamevember. You game?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
