we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
