i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
