pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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