I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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