i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
