I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
