Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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