Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
