Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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