True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
