the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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