from now on my penis is your penis
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
