He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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