well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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