Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
