Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
