I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
