I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
