we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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