We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
