closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
