he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
