Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
