I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize