It was confusing and full of hummus
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize