I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
