I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
