Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
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