Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
