you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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