u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
