It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
God, I missed his penis.
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