Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
