you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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