Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
