can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
