Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
